Eikko and Eadlyn's First Kiss

When I read a book, especially YA through the eyes of the female lead, I like to imagine scenes in the head of the male counterpart.  I got so sick of being in Eadlyn's head, I decided to rewrite the scene that they finally kiss from the perspective of Eikko.  This is the result.

The day had been long.  The afternoon even longer.  Helping Henri through seemingly endless conversations had me mentally exhausted.  The turmoil in my heart after declaring my love to Eadlyn, albeit in a language she couldn't understand, had me emotionally drained.  As I looked for her for the millionth time, I couldn't find her.  I need an escape.

"I am going to the hall for a short break." I told Henri as I walked away. If the Queen didn't feel the need to be in the room, the lowly translator surely didn't need to be present.

As I walked into the hall I heard a rustle of fabric and a sniffle.  Great.  Even when I want to be alone there are people hanging around. Looking toward the sound, I saw her; the most beautiful desire of my heart.

"Your Majesty.  I'm sorry.  I was just escaping the crowds.  It was a little too much for me in there."

She didn't say anything. As I looked closer, I noticed a look of pure despair emanating from her whole being.

"Seems to have been a bit too much for you as well." I added cautiously, not wanting to upset her further.

She looked down averting her gaze from mine.  I couldn't allow it.  I needed to see her eyes.  I needed to restore her smile.

"Your Majesty," I whispered as I continued to move toward her,  "Can I help you?"

I tried to convey how I would do anything in my power for her as she looked into my eyes.

To my shock and amazement, Eadlyn grabbed my hand and started dragging me down the corridor.  She only looked back once, presumably to ensure our privacy. We entered the women's room.  I had done my own extensive exploration of the palace, but had never ventured into this particular room.  We walked to the back of the room to the window.  My heart stopped as I took in her features bathed in moonlight.  I had no idea what was going to happen next.  

Her eyes bore into mine.  They were so intense my nerves were starting to creep into my stomach. Then she started speaking.

"At the risk of making and even bigger fool out of myself than I already have, can you please answer something for me? And you absolutely must be honest here.  I give you permission to hurt my feelings.  I have  to know."

A feeling of absolute terror washed over me as I took in her words.  What does she want to know? If she asks about this growing connection between us, can I really tell her about my growing affections? My resolve broke as I looked into her eyes.  I nodded my head as I knew I could deny her nothing.

"Is there a chance that you feel for me the way I feel for you?"

Hope rose in my chest battling with my nerves.

She continued, "If you've felt even a fraction of this riot that's been happening in my heart, I need to know."

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding.  I am not  a suitor.  Henri loves her.  She is duty and honor bound to the Elite.  Is it not treason for both of us if we were to have any sort of relationship?  I can't.

"Your Majesty, I-"

"No!" She interrupted as she ripped the crown from her head. "Not Majesty.  Eadlyn.  I'm just Eadlyn." She threw the crown to the floor.

This perfect woman standing in front of me, someone so far out of my league, might love me? How can this be even remotely possible?  I looked into her infinitely deep brown eyes. I saw longing, desperation and hope.  It was that hope that broke my resolve.  I could no longer hold back.

"You are always just Eadlyn. And you are always the queen.  You are everything  to everyone. And infinitely more to me.

She reached out and placed her hand over my heart.  Surely she could feel my heart beating out her name in its quickening rhythm.  So many questions and what-ifs battled in my mind.

Her whole being conveyed a desperate longing to lose itself in the moment.  I was more than happy to oblige. I raised my hand to her face, cupping it in my palm.  I leaned down to kiss her. Any doubt of her affections toward me evaporated as she melted into my arms and lips.  Her lips parted inviting me in to deepen the kiss. I wrapped my arms around her and let my mind consider our whole future.  A future I never before let myself imagine. I could really be with her.  I was ready to be thrust into the spotlight.  I was ready to be in front of the cameras. I was ready to take upon myself the name of Prince Consort if it meant I could hold her; be with her. It was terrifying to think of how my life would change. It was more terrifying to think of us never being together.  I wanted this moment to last forever.

When I felt the tear rolling down her cheek into my hand I pulled back.  I needed to know what would come from divulging the secret I thought would go to my grave.  In order to do that, I needed to let her know beyond a shadow of a doubt how deeply I had fallen for her. I shook my head at the sheer improbability of me being in this situation.

"Of course, the one time I let myself fall in love, it's with someone in another stratosphere."

There.  I said it plainly.  I said it out loud.  She knows I love her.

She grabbed my shirt with such force I fell forward into her.  Anger flashed in her eyes leaving me confused.  How could my declaration and her reciprocation spark such a reaction?

“This will be the first time in my life I haven’t been able to have something I truly wanted.  It’s so cruel it happens to be you.”

I shattered.

“It really is impossible then?”

The look on her face said it all.

“I’m afraid so.  In so many ways now. I can hardly grasp it all to explain, but everything just got much more complicated for me.”

More tears streamed down her face.  I fought the tears forming in my own eyes. Of course. I had always known this could never be.

“You don’t owe me an explanation.  I already knew. I made the mistake of letting myself hope for a moment. That’s all.”

“I’m so sorry.”  She let her eyes drop to the ground.  “If I thought I could cancel this whole thing, I would. But it would be seen as one more mistake on top of all the other selfish, stupid things I’ve done.”

How can she even think these things about herself?  She truly can’t see in herself what others see in her.  Needing to look in her eyes I lifted her chin before I spoke.

“Please don’t speak that way about the woman I love.”

She gave me the slightest hint of a smile; heartbreak written in every line of her face. 

“I’ve been so unfair to you." She stated. "It was eating me alive, all the wondering, but maybe we would have been better off if we’d never known.”

“No.”  I said.  I couldn’t let her think this.  I would rather have 1 minute in her arms than to have never known we both felt the same way towards each other. “There is no shame in loving who you love, there is great honor in doing what is right.  It’s a pity those two things don’t overlap for us, but that makes this moment no less important to me.”

“Or to me.”

I grasped her hand in awe that this woman, this Queen,  saw me, let alone fell for me.  Even if it was doomed from the start.

Knowing this could never be, I needed to get back to my duty.  I needed to get back to Henri. “I should get back.  I’d hate to cause a scandal.”

“You’re right.” She sighed as she somehow pressed herself even closer to me. Whispering, she said, “I’m not engaged yet.  Would you meet me tomorrow night?”

No.  Say no.  I need to say no.  Nothing good could come from this.  My heart would just break more when she did get engaged.  But, would I ever get this chance to be alone with her again? At the very least, I know it will end. I can prepare myself for that while soaking up the last beautiful moments with her.  I can give her tomorrow.

I nodded.

“I’ll get word to you.  Leave now, and I’ll make my way out in a few minutes.”

Needing to gather my own thoughts of the betrayal I was about to commit against my friends, I gave her a quick kiss and escaped back to the ballroom. How odd it was to find solace in the crowd I left only minutes before feeling overwhelmed?